Just say NO~ Do not say yes when you want to say No

Just say NO

Do not say yes when you want to say No

It is Saturday evening when I am chilling with my dog petting him and watching movie and the door bell rings,

I did not wanted to get up but the continuous ring made me get out of the couch and open the door.

It was none other than my super mom at the door, holding two heavy bags and her handbag which was almost hanging and could trip off her shoulder anytime,

Restlessly walks in says “ Beta  , can you please get sambar powder, I realized that I missed to buy one “

 Like always after all her shopping she misses out to get something that was much needed for her to cook.

And I immediately said “Noooooooooo”…mom please yaa not again , I don’t want to miss this climax , so please NO.



Mommy without leaving any option walked away saying “get one if you want to have your favorite dish tonight”

Now why would I miss out having my favorite food on a weekend , of course I did not wanted to .

At the same time I did not want to miss watching the climax,so immediately without thinking much about it –“Ok , let me finish watching this and I shall get one” I said.

And on my way it reminds me of Mayank, my friend whom I must have met last weekend after 5 long years I reckon.

It just triggered, let me be honest..;)

So Upon asking him about his workplace he did not seem to be happy with his job role..  as he said “people just get their things done and take all the credits but are not appreciative”

I wondered if that was really not common in competitive world where everyone seems to be rushing and asked –“acha, is that not something common?”

He looked quiet dejected and said one thing “ it’s not easy to say “NO”, I feel people just get things done  and I’m left out“

There was silence for sometime and the waiter comes in to serve our order..

Breaking the silence I jumped in asking –“why is that difficult , if you can’t manage just say ..No” at the same time I was wondering if could do this at a work place.

Well ,i understood that not just his performance but it also caused stress at some stage.

Goshhhhh sounds easy but pretty difficult if you have lot of commitments, saying No is like to follow your gut feeling 😉

Well,

I have been trying to write about it since then and today I realize I could say No to my Mom because I knew that she wouldn’t mind me saying No,

 but if it was someone else at work or friend maybe I could have said yes.

Would I say yes even if that was not really important?

At some point of time each of us have been Mayank we must have agreed to do something that we did not wanted to do,

Why is that?

Because we become People pleasers- they are the Nicest and most helpful people you know. In fact they spend time doing things for others and are someone whom you can always count on.

Sounds good isn’t it ??

But sometimes this can lead to unhealthy behaviours.

Being the newest person in any workplace you will always try to fall into place in the team , you become extra nice to people and end up doing others task.

 Which in turn will of course affect your performance.

It may turn out to improve your performance or the other way round.

I am lucky enough to have people around whom I learnt from what was important, so maybe it was easy for me to say no to things which are not worth.

I happened to discuss this with someone and here is the idea shared –

So when do you say No,

Your Natural reaction would be –

when it is something out of your comfort zone, change in environment or you would say No when it is your habit of saying No to everything.

But how about your workplace , would you really say No for the above reasons?

Being an employee I should be able to add few reasons here for saying No.

1.You are afraid thinking that what would others think if you say NO and are not kind enough.

2.What if you fail completing the task within the given timeline.

3.You may lose having good relationship with the person.

The Fear of rejection basically

And end up saying -"Why couldn't I have just said no in the beginning?"

Etc ..etc ..etc what not , I’m sure you will have more to say..

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments

- You really need to understand this .

Here are few ways where you can decide on when and where to say NO.

1.Know Your Priorities.

If you do have some extra time,is this new commitment going to help you or your organization?

If yes then without thinking much say yes to it.

Say NO and Show them that your time is well guarded and you can turn down their requests (that are not on your top priority list).


2. Say Get back to you.

If you have no idea if that’s going to help you or not,

Best way is to buy some time in a very nice way like how you say yes to people but do not commit.

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them.

This will allow you to collate data , analyse and check your commitments and priorities.

If this is not something that you can finish it within the given time or not going to help you in any way then

Explain the reason for saying No in a Firm way, where again don’t forget that you are being polite and not apologizing or being nice.

"Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you."

"I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try someone else?"

These are couple of sentences I can think of ..

Remember ,If you love who you are and respect what you are doing the world would follow you,

You would never be able to reach your potential if you are trying to be all the things to all the people.

People pleasing syndrome holds you back, it may make you lose your identity and may not let you see your core values.

You feel treated badly, feel being used when it doesn’t work even after saying yes and working hard on this ..it’s an emotional stress to another level you know what I mean.

I think this comes from the emotion which is fear of losing people or relations.

Trust me no one would mind you saying NO, at some point they will need to come back to you for some or the other reason,

Don’t be afraid of losing people, people who are genuine will definitely stay with you.

You will truly enjoy life, if you stop being people pleasing and apologetic.

The magic is when you start treating yourself with love and respect.

With this simple thought I would like to close this here  -

“Whenever you are saying yes to others make sure you are not saying NO to yourself."Yes "will have lot of value if you learn the art of saying NO.” -Anonymous